On Drugs

this is a thing that happens inside theoretical things. Cops THEORETICALLY come through the door,

I force the others to leave. But yet I wish to get others. I cannot use big words now. That annoys me. At least I can say that I am annoyed. Insanely, I correct the typing mistakes that I make now. That is insane. It GOES AGAINST THE BODY. I used those words for emphasis. I have to plug in my computer, not because the battery is dying, but because I am obsessed with plugging in my computer. This focusing that I am making myself doing is very interesting. Why do I focus the way I want to focus

after nonsensical ramblings of this so

I want to laugh hysterically.

I cannot focus. I theorize this is because.....

my essential nature: I wish to understand things. I feel desire, i.e. I laugh,

and I want to CONTROL this laughter

personally historically, this would be a thing

I feel my desires manifest phsycially.

Similarly, music hits me and I feel it ina physical way. My previously “mental” appreciation is become physical..

I like the smoke.

I am smoking. I like to describe the things that are happening. Somehow typing and smoking are easier than typing alone.

I am waiting for the cigarette to die out because it pleases me to sit here, in the warmth, TO SIT

clearly, in the future, the value of this document is IN WHOLE, to document my insane feelings of being on this trip. I do not want to be meta, but I am meta. Insert here HILARIOUS LAUGHTER AND SO ON. I am really out of control with this laughing.

I like this music a lot and I wish that other people could hear this music with me.

This is why I like writing: I wish to share the things I enjoy about life with others. In this case, music.

I am glad to be on these drugs. I enjoy in a shameful way the way I will be faced with these 'ARTIFACTS' of my doings and typings tomorrow. I am laughing about this.

Writing is about editing. I believe that. 'the state I am in' by Belle and Sebastian.

That idiot told me that “i bring a whole new energy to this place.”

those two girls go into the room to have sex. I wish to talk, so I call grace, putatively to answer her query about wherther I am going to fuck buttons on sunday, but, truly, to communicate with her in some circular and hilarious fashion as I find now approrpatie.

Girls from the next room are yelling at me. They are saying “yes” and so on in response to this laughter. Presumably they are therese and alex. (who I wish to call “that girl”)

wow, I am also feeling visuals. I think the word 'WOW” is less of a mental approach to the world. It is, instead, a word that is amenable to 'guttural' or 'visceral' or whatever. Maybe that's why we say it.

I am struck by an urge to make a phone call to brandon. I pick up the phone and then set it back down because I could just as soon sit here IN MY OWN metaphorical feces. The people in the next room are being very “physical”. They seem to be hitting the wall with open palms. They are being noisy.

I am like the character in Borges

thank god I do not have the internet on this laptop because then I would disappear into the internet, randomly wiki'ing one thing after the other.

I am suspicious that the other people, in the other room, are not having sex, but are instead engaged in some social activity....i understand that this is paranoid, and demonstrates my deep need to 'FIGURE SHIT OUT' and

yes. That said it. I giggled, re-rereading that line and understood that my....
wait.

There is something about other people. Am I interested in them, or not? I seem to be trying to form some “universal” theory about myself, access some

people come from the next room. I am distracted from my earlier task of changing the music which annoyed me. “take my breath away”

I get up and put on a song by the beatles. The people disappear because they are annoyed with my incessant and arrogant solipsistic questions. I badger them.

Let me describe this experience: there are people here, and I tell them to change the music, and they do it. I do not think this 'MEANs' anything....they simply “want things' from me.

“i am exremely suspicious,” I say to the red-girl

“it shows,” she says, looking at me as if I am insane.

Therese has disappeared. “are you having fun?” I ask. She thinks that I am displeased with her efforts.

A few minutes pass. Thesere kisses the red-girl.

“i do not want things,” I say.